Today......June 14, 2014....the day before Father's Day......I walked in Gate D and took a tour of Fenway Park.

A big part of my bucket list just got marked off.  After seeing MLB stadiums in Atlanta, Arizona, Tampa, St. Louis, New York, Philly, Colorado, Seattle, Milwaukee, Chicago, Pittsburgh and St. Louis.....I finally saw the stadium that started this love affair.

The year was 1981....I was nine years old.  I had gotten some Topps baseball cards for Christmas and I was watching the NBC baseball game of the week.  I didn't know who Yaz, Rice, Lynn, Duey or Fisk was yet.  I had just started playing baseball in a church league so I was probably watching to learn how to better hit and throw.  I'm not sure the exact details of how it started.....my best guess is that my grandparents passed their TRUE LOVE for the Sox to me.  I was the youngest grandchild and I had lived with my grandparents before I went to school because of having two parents that worked at school.  That started a very close relationship with my grandparents.  I know the Braves were on the TV a lot, but I'm also sure I heard about the Red Sox while "Bambi and Bampa" read the paper.  I'm sure I first heard about Ted Williams losing five years to two wars during this time.  I also know that when I started school, whenever my grandparents came for a meal or came to watch me while my parents went out....the talk ALWAYS TURNED TO BASEBALL.

So by the time I was 9 I was starting to become immersed in a game that allows you to dive deep.  However, during that game of the week I saw a park that was unique and it belonged to my family.  My grandparents talked about New Bedford and my mom talked about Worcester....but along with those stories came stories of Bobby Doerr, Ted Williams, Billy Goodman, and Johnny Pesky.  Now that I was seeing the Monster and the Park I connected with the uniqueness of this park.  It looked different from ALL OTHER PARKS.  Even Wrigley was symmetrical like so many parks.  Here was Fenway with its garage door in center field and a right center at 420 feet going all the way down to 302 in the right field corner.

So by 1981 I said, "I'm a Red Sox fan....so I want to see where they play."  I never got to go during family trips.  We went to Cooperstown and some other ballparks during family vacations (thanks Mom and Dad for feeding my love).  We even visited Worcester once, but never made it to a game.  After I got married Stacey and I talked about Fenway many times....we almost went once or twice, but something always came up or the finances were a tad too tight.  Then kids came and getting the whole family to a game was too hard.

Three years ago we went to a Greenville Drive game and saw a Fenway replica.  Then two years ago we started our own tradition of going to visit different baseball parks each year.  Chicago was obvious, then Pitt and Philly allowed us to go see Greenville, PA as well.  After Dad died in December we decided to stop putting off the park that started my true love affair with this game.  Today I saw Fenway.....

Stacey teared up when they walked us up the ramp to right behind home plate.  I didn't tear up because I wanted to soak in everything I could.  I got to see the oldest seats from the 1930's.  I got to touch Fisk's pole while walking around the Monster seats.  I got to walk behind the Press Box.  I got to go through the museum, talk to the staff, hear some great stories and just enjoy being in the first church of baseball.

We ate lunch at Jerry Remy's place.  We bought a program for a game we weren't going to attend.  I got lots of comments about my Sea Dogs shirt and talked to a few Sox fans around the park.  One guy mentioned he was at Ted's last game in 60 when he hit his home run in his last at bat.  I remembered I read Updike's famous piece about that.

God, baseball and a good laugh.  Those are three things I seek and enjoy thoroughly in and around my life.

I am the smoking pastor.  I might also argue that we are all smoking pastors.

I am now 41 years old.  I have started a business.  I almost have a teenage son.  I also believe that my wife and I are smack in the middle of our mid-life crises.  We are talking a lot about why we are here, what were we made for, what is our purpose, what good are we doing in the world, where do we go from here, and on and on it goes.

I don't know who my friends are.  I have a lot of acquaintances, but I don't know if I have a lot of friends.  I'm also afraid if I really talk through this with some of my acquaintances, then I will get some weird looks.  Tilted heads and backpedaling conversations.  I have people who I truly care about, but I don't keep in touch with them very often.  I have opportunities where God uses me to pass on a word of encouragement or love on someone, but I don't know if I can open up as a true friend and share my fears and struggles.

What is a friend?  The Bible says someone who sticks closer than a brother.  I don't want a facebook friend of platitudes and witty sayings.  I want someone who will sit down next to me and not say anything.  I want someone who will baptize me and come and call me on the carpet when I won't forgive a friend I disagree with.

God - you are my friend.  Jesus is my friend and the Holy Spirit sticks closer than any brother.  Show me people I can be friendly to and show me friends that you have placed in my path.

NEXT TOPIC - LEADERSHIP?

This can be done....

I'm 36 years old. I've felt a desire to write this book for at least six years. It's time to go deep down into the gut, fight the battles, find the words and get this book written. There are notes, there are scraps of paper, there are tears and jeers and cheers and they just need to get on paper.

Here is the plan - I will write every night that I can. I will write chapter ideas, outline ideas, research results and sample chapters. I will then take it from this blog and get it into a book format. I don't care if this is ever published. This is for me and it's up to God whether it will be shared with the world to help others.

This is not a rant, a whine or a manifesto. This is my story. This is my journey. This is my observation. This is my feeble commentary. And it will be done!