I am the smoking pastor.  I might also argue that we are all smoking pastors.

I am now 41 years old.  I have started a business.  I almost have a teenage son.  I also believe that my wife and I are smack in the middle of our mid-life crises.  We are talking a lot about why we are here, what were we made for, what is our purpose, what good are we doing in the world, where do we go from here, and on and on it goes.

I don't know who my friends are.  I have a lot of acquaintances, but I don't know if I have a lot of friends.  I'm also afraid if I really talk through this with some of my acquaintances, then I will get some weird looks.  Tilted heads and backpedaling conversations.  I have people who I truly care about, but I don't keep in touch with them very often.  I have opportunities where God uses me to pass on a word of encouragement or love on someone, but I don't know if I can open up as a true friend and share my fears and struggles.

What is a friend?  The Bible says someone who sticks closer than a brother.  I don't want a facebook friend of platitudes and witty sayings.  I want someone who will sit down next to me and not say anything.  I want someone who will baptize me and come and call me on the carpet when I won't forgive a friend I disagree with.

God - you are my friend.  Jesus is my friend and the Holy Spirit sticks closer than any brother.  Show me people I can be friendly to and show me friends that you have placed in my path.

NEXT TOPIC - LEADERSHIP?

This can be done....

I'm 36 years old. I've felt a desire to write this book for at least six years. It's time to go deep down into the gut, fight the battles, find the words and get this book written. There are notes, there are scraps of paper, there are tears and jeers and cheers and they just need to get on paper.

Here is the plan - I will write every night that I can. I will write chapter ideas, outline ideas, research results and sample chapters. I will then take it from this blog and get it into a book format. I don't care if this is ever published. This is for me and it's up to God whether it will be shared with the world to help others.

This is not a rant, a whine or a manifesto. This is my story. This is my journey. This is my observation. This is my feeble commentary. And it will be done!